If it’s been a bit lackluster between the sheets lately, it may be time to talk to your partner about sex.
Virtual reality
Unfortunately, anxiety and shame can be exacerbated by the media. For many people, aside
from a few sex education classes in high school, Hollywood movies, advertising and
pornography are the most accessible references for what sex looks like. None of these are
particularly healthy learning tools and can leave an imprint of unrealistic and even harmful
sexual expectations.
Talk about sex – Sex VS Porn
British sex educator Cindy Gallop has summarized this wide gulf between real sex and
pornography in particular. “Real sex is messy, funny, impulsive and intimate; porn is none of
the above. Sex is, or should be, preceded by enthusiastic consent and discussion about STI
protection and contraceptives; porn has none of that. Sex is about people – porn tends to be
about bodies.”
Common misconceptions generated by porn are around body shapes and sizes,
performance time, sexual acts, and the ability for the female to climax during sexual intercourse.
“That is actually the biggest myth that so many people believe. In reality, only
one in five women can have an orgasm by intercourse alone,” Matty explains.
“Men also believe they have to last for a long time, but the average time is only 5.4 minutes.
Some men, especially young men -believe they should last at least 15 to 20 minutes!”
Start the conversation
Young people are naturally curious
In Matty’s view, if sex were to become a more open topic of discussion and common myths
were cleared up, many relationships could be improved or even saved, and teenagers would
be much safer too. As embarrassing as it might be to have ‘the talk’ with kids, it’s necessary
Young people are naturally curious, and without adequate sex
education from school or parents, movies and
pornography can easily become the primary educators when their questions are left
unanswered.
With so much easy access to computers, tablets and smartphones, it’s important that
parents equip them with the understanding that what they might see online isn’t real. Even if
a teenager is not sexually active, proper education will set them up for healthier relationships
and sexual relations for the rest of their life.
Whether you’re talking to your children or talking to your partner, Matty says that
communication is paramount. If sex is an uncomfortable topic in your romantic relationship
or things are flat-lining, seeing an accredited sex therapist sooner rather than later can be a
game-changer.
“Sex is a normal part of life. It shouldn’t be embarrassing or difficult. I would love to see
people reading the book on the train or the bus!” Matty laughs.
“We need to shift our attitude – sex needs to become a natural and healthy part of everyday
life. I feel this is essential to our wellbeing, happiness and positive relationships.”
Talk about sex and boost your sex life
BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE
>> Make time for it! Sex isn’t always spontaneous. Just like you would plan a date night that
works for you both, you can also plan time for intimacy.
>> There is more to a good sex life than intercourse alone. Text or call each other during the
day, send sexy messages, give loving compliments, and hug or touch your partner more.
Little gestures can go a long way to show affection and interest.
>> Try to have a more playful attitude in your everyday life. It will enhance the quality of your
relationship, encourage adventure and set you up for better sex – after all, it’s meant to be
fun!
>> Try something new – whether it’s a location, position or even role-play. There are so
many ways to change things up.
>> Learn to laugh during intimacy. Laughter helps to create closer connections, while also
triggering a wonderful release of endorphins.
>> Prioritise! The health of your relationship should be more important than things like the
cleanliness of your house or answering emails. If the mood is right, the pile of dishes can
wait.
Read part 1 here.
Also read: Gaming gone bad – Game addict tells us what its like – Part 2
