It’s natural to want to be close to your children, but when the lines between being a parent and being your child’s friend become blurred, problems can arise. By Patricia Flokis One of the nice things about being a parent is the close bond we form with our children. But what happens when you start behaving more like your child’s best friend than a parent? Here, parenting experts explain the potential consequences and how to get the balance right.
Why being the parent matters
The problem with parenting your children as though you equal is that you’re not, nor should you be, says clinical psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack. “There’s nothing wrong with being friendly with your children, enjoying time
together and feeling close to them, but a parent’s job is to raise their children to be independent and responsible young adults. And to achieve this we need to set boundaries and say ‘no’ on occasion.
Children need you to be an authority figure, not a friend,” says McCormack. Dr Anna Cohen, clinical psychologist and co-director of Kids & Co Clinical Psychology, agrees. “I’m a big believer that young people need their parents to be parents,” she says. “Kids can find their own friends and connections, but they can’t easily find a set of people who are going to give them unconditional love, nurturing and the guidance they crave and need.”
Don’t parent as if you are your child’s best friend
If you parent as though you’re best mates, however, you undermine your authority, says McCormack, and that, makes it harder to enforce rules or dole out discipline when required. It can also affect how children relate to people in authority.
“For instance, if you’re in the habit of backing your child when they moan about a teacher inappropriately, then all you’re doing is teaching your child to be disrespectful or, at the very least, not feel respect for the teacher.”
Also read: What to expect as an adult when your parents are having a divorce – Part 1
Read part 2 here.
