You have amazing sex five times a week, right? You’re always in the mood for it, keen to get down and dirty whenever your man gives you so much as a sideways glance. Or, maybe not. The truth is, sometimes you don’t want to do the horizontal (or vertical or upside-down) dance of love. Sometimes you may not want sex for a few days, a couple of weeks or perhaps oven longer. About 40 per cent of women experience low libido – lack of sexual desire – at some point in their lives for reasons as varied and complex as women themselves. The key to dealing with it lies in knowing the cause.
It’s not me, it’s you
If you’re often thinking about sex but not actually engaging with your partner, you may have what Dr King calls “Situational loss of desire”. “If you’re happy to masturbate or you desire sex with someone else, there is nothing wrong with your libido, but often there is something wrong with your relationship or the quality of sex you are having” Dr Goldstein agrees.
Problems in a relationship can transfer into sexual boredom. In this case, it is best to sit down and have a conversation with your partner so you can both check-in and try to work through any issues. The key to a good relationship is communication!
If you suffer from low libido you could try to creating sex
Thankfully, low libido doesn’t mean the end of our sex lives. We think sex should happen spontaneously, says Dr King. “but great sex is actually created. Yep, this means scheduling regular horizontal action. If you want to go to the movies with a friend, you don’t just randomly find yourself at the cinema. You ring them, make a date, organise a time and drive there. It’s the same with sex. Set aside some time for your relationship and then see what happens spontaneously.
After her job quietened down Karina organised dinner with her boyfriend. “I came home with wine and we spent some time talking and reconnecting. I let him know how I was feeling so that he understood that me not wanting sex was nothing to do with him. It was good to get it off my chest and in my own mind, I’d scheduled time for sex so I was more prepared to do it. And yes, we did do it that night and the night after that.
Also read part 1 of “Are you experiencing low libido? – Part 1” here.
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