You have amazing sex five times a week, right? You’re always in the mood for it, keen to get down and dirty whenever your man gives you so much as a sideways glance. Or, maybe not. The truth is, sometimes you don’t want to do the horizontal (or vertical or upside-down) dance of love. Sometimes you may not want sex for a few days, a couple of weeks or perhaps oven longer. About 40 per cent of women experience low libido – lack of sexual desire – at some point in their lives for reasons as varied and complex as women themselves. The key to dealing with it lies in knowing the cause.
Sayonara, honeymoon period!
Remember when you first met your partner and the only thing that could tear you apart was a high-pressured hose (no pun intended) or your mates screaming. Get a room.”? Experts have a name for this honeymoon phase: limerence. And the reason they have a specific, scientific-sounding word to describe the period of infatuation with someone new is because it’s been proven to alter our emotional, physical intellectual and sexual states.
Female desire is maximised during merence explains Dr Rosie King, sex expert and author of Where Did My Libido Go. “An increase in pleasure hormones triggers a rise in testosterone in women which in turn enhances sexual desire but 12-18 months on, limorence begins to fade, so it’s unrealistic to expect that same level of sexual desire to be present later on in your relationship when life gets in the way.
Low libido can be caused by stress
So now that we know it’s completely normal not to want to jump your dude’s 24/7, other factors for low libido may arise. A big one is stress. We’re not Saying that it doesn’t happen, but the chances of an overworked, stressed out emotional woman coming home from a hard day/week/month and demanding her man disrobe her immediately for some sexy times are about as likely as Ryan Gosling turning up at the door tomorrow and asking for our hand in marriage.
Sexologist and relationship expert Dr Nikki Goldstein agrees that your energy and stress lovels have a huge impact on your sex life. If you’re stressed or exhausted, the last thing you’ll want to do when you got home is have sex.
Twenty-six-year-old Karina recently experienced this when she was traveling a lot for her job. I love my boyfriend, but I was so tired that even the thought of having sex was an effort. If you find yourself in this situation, Dr Goldstein suggests that you take it easy it’s okay if you aren’t feeling sexual every so often. Give yourself a break and think.
This month I’m on deadline or I’m really stressed – I’m going to accept my desire is not there and know that it’s being impacted because of what’s happening in my life at the moment.
If you don’t think stress is the problem, and you haven’t wanted sex in a while, chat to your doctor about any medication you are taking as some contraceptive pills and antidepressants have an adverse effect on your sex drive Experiencing pain or discomfort during sex is also a common reason why women don’t want to engage in sexual activity. Again your best option is to talk to your doctor if this is happening.
Also read: Man survives going for 9 hours with machete stuck in head
Read part 2 here.
