Even ‘superwoman’ can use some help, and learning how to delegate at home and work can free up some valuable time for you and your loved ones, says Joanna Hall.
Many women have a ‘go-it alone’ approach at home and in the workplace. We’re good at rationalising situations by telling ourselves: ‘If I want this job done right, I have to do it myself. But delegating is a highly beneficial skill to learn. And if you master it, you will find that you have more time to devote to the things in life which are important to you.
Engage your partner’s help
The pressure to do it all pervades many areas of life, but juggling the demands of work and a household, families, children and a partner leaves many women exhausted. However, if you have a partner, you have support.
So why is it that so many women find it difficult to delegate to them? According to psychotherapist Shirley Smith, one reason is women are worried about ‘nagging’. But keeping quiet isn’t healthy.
“Over the years there can be a build up of resentment, and if a woman keeps quiet, she can become overwhelmed,” explains Smith. “Eventually she will blow her stack.”
Smith says that resentment is a massive relationship killer. “An inability to delegate can overflow into many areas of life, including the bedroom, which puts your relationship at risk.”
How to delegate
“If you are overwhelmed, it’s okay to say so,” says Smith. “Some women feel it’s their job to make their partner feel good, and don’t want to put pressure on them, while others feel they have to be self-sufficient and not ask. So it’s very important that women can speak up.”
Smith also advises that you focus on ‘we’ rather than ‘me, and how you can both benefit. For example, if it’s the weekend and you have a full plate juggling the kids’ sporting activities, ask your husband to do the grocery shopping for you, suggesting that it will give you some quality time together later.
“Ultimately it boils down to letting go of control, something which many women don’t like doing,” she says. “But if the washing isn’t folded the way you like, and you’ve asked your partner to do it, you can’t complain.”
Kids can help too
Getting kids do anything can be a challenge, but some women find delegating to them difficult. “The job of parenting is to make yourself redundant from the earliest possible age,” says Michael Grose, one of Australia’s leading parenting educators. “That means parents should never do regularly for kids the things they can do for themselves. If you want kids to be responsible, then you have to give them responsibility.”
Grose says there are two types of jobs you can delegate – those which help the family, such as setting the table for dinner, and self-help tasks such as dressing. “Psychologically, asking kids to help tells them that they are useful and capable,” he says. “But there are also links between independence, self sufficiency and resilience. Resilient kids are independent and good problem-solvers, and helping out at home promotes both.”
How to delegate
“Kids around the age of two want to help, so start then if possible,” says Grose. “Look at things you do for them which they can do for themselves. Also, give them one or two self-help and family jobs every day, and change them every week.”
If kids squabble over who does which job, Grose says you can let them sort it out.”If power relations are relatively even, meaning the kids give as good as they get to each other, tell them you are not fussed who feeds the cat as long as it gets done,” he says. “But, at other times, parents will need to share jobs out, and the use of a roster helps here.”
Family and friends
There are many reasons why it’s necessary to delegate responsibility to other family members and friends. With families, a common reason for delegating is when you’re caring for elderly parents, while among friends, it can often be about helping with kids or making social arrangements, but either way control can be an issue. In families, for example, an older sibling may resent having a task delegated to him/her by a younger sibling, and with friends, one may feel they are being taken advantage of by the other.
“The only reason we sometimes make it harder on ourselves with family or friends is because we tend to care more about their reaction,” says life coach Noel Posus. “At work, delegation is expected.” Outside of work, family and friends don’t come with a job description’, so anything we ask for help with is open to rejection. “We often have feelings of rejection when someone we’ve asked to help us says they are unable to do so,” says Posus. “But they’re not necessarily rejecting you, just saying they can’t help.”
How to delegate
Being a clear communicator is the key, says Posus. “This certainly holds true when engaging in potentially emotionally charged conversations with family members,” he says. “Everyone will have a view on the subject, and the fairest way of moving forward is often to get everyone’s feelings and thoughts out in the open.”
For example, if elderly parents need help with their day-to-day chores, make a list of what needs to be done, who might be in the best position to do it and why, and open a discussion with those involved.
Another tip is to see if you can do something for the other person in return.”This can be a way of either showing your gratitude for them helping you, or potentially to provide equity in the situation,” says Posus. “Even if there isn’t anything specific you can do in exchange for them taking on your task, at the very least find appropriate ways to express your gratitude.”
In the workplace
The ability to delegate in the workplace is a core leadership skill. However, according to Domonique Bertolucci, a life coach and author of Your Best Life (Hachette, $35), many women have great skills in team building which often get in the way. “I hear women say they don’t want to be seen to be bossing people around,” she explains. “But delegation isn’t about being bossy. It’s about being a leader.”
Another problem can be high standards. “Perfection is the enemy of excellence,” says Bertolucci. “One of the reasons women don’t like to delegate is that they are worried that the person they delegate the task to won’t do it as well as they can.”
For small business owners, however, a major challenge can be the need to wear many hats. Analaura Luna, a financial expert who runs a business with her husband, says mastering delegation skills frees up your time to focus on the ‘big picture’ and facilitates growth, but this can be difficult for some women as it raises issues of control. “My biggest challenge in the early days was letting go,” says Luna. “I felt like I had lost control of the office, and spent a lot of time looking over everyone’s shoulder!”
How to delegate
“When delegating at work, think about the particulars of the task, and the appropriate person to get the task done,” says Bertolucci. “Whether that person is male or female, older or
younger, the way you delegate should be consistent with your management style, and not influenced by the person you are delegating to.”
If you are delegating to an older male colleague who has made it clear he doesn’t like having a female boss, for example, tell them they have been given the task because they have the appropriate skills, and you’re confident they will do a good job. Also, be clear on what needs to be done, and how. “Don’t be a ‘micromanager’,” says Bertolucci. “Outline the fixed parameters, and wherever possible let the person being delegated to determine at least some of the detail”
In your own business, Luna recommends using a three-rule system. “The rules are to play to your strengths, build a process, and then outsource it,” explains Luna. For example, if your strength is in marketing, but you are spending a lot of time doing the books, delegate this job to a partner if they are suited to the task, or hire someone to do it. This approach frees up a lot of valuable time.“
