Over time you might uncover positives from your parents split that you’d never thought of before. After her parents divorced, Mikayla, 16, discovered not only was her family unit more stable, but she also enjoyed the benefits of having two places to call home. “Going back and forth between them can be good if I want a break from a parent or sibling,” she says. “Things can get a little crowded in my houses sometimes, so it’s calming to alternate between them. Plus, I get my own set of clothes at each home so I can switch up my outfits all the time.”
Your parents split will change your outlook
After going through a family break-up, you might discover you have a new outlook on what’s important to you. You could learn about how you do and don’t want to act when you’re in your own relationships,” says Yvonne. ”It’s also valuable to take out of this experience all you’ve learnt about acceptance of situations and the strength to get through tough times, which you’ll experience in different degrees in your adult life.”
To get to this happy place, Louise suggests not forcing yourself to see the positives of your parents split, but instead allowing yourself to be open to all the feelings and thoughts that float through your mind “This acceptance gives you the potential to develop a special new relationship with each parent and bring you closer than before,” she explains. “It’s likely there will be bumpy patches, however, you might find your relationship with both parents gets better as you have more one-on-one time.” Who to talk to Although you’re no doubt worried about your parents, it’s important not to forget about your feelings too. Yvonne suggests seeking unbiased help outside of your family: “Often mums and dads are going through such a traumatic time themselves they may feel lost on how to help you, which means your feelings could go unheard,” she says. You might want to chat with a family friend, neighbour, acher or a professional psychologist.
Or hit up your school counsellor – they’re free, strictly confidential and can help you organise special concessions for schoolwork if needed. Most importantly, remember that you’re not alone and there’s no shame in speaking to someone about how you’re feeling. “By asking for help and taking care of yourself, you’ll get through it,” says Yvonne.
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