Anorexia killed my mother and ruined my childhood. It would’ve been easy for me to fall into the trap of adopting my mother’s attitude to food. I was lucky that I had friends and family around me encouraging my passion for food and pointing out that I was too skinny because I wasn’t eating a lot.
I was mad that my childhood was ruined
Mum and I had some massive fights when I was a teenager and I moved out when I was 18. She’d always show up at the bank where I worked and it got really bad. Three years later, I decided I had to make a fresh start, so I got a transfer and moved an hour and a half away. One of my aunties organised a big family party for my 21st birthday at a restaurant. I’d written a really nice speech thanking my mum, but she didn’t turn up. When we were leaving, we saw her outside.
She said she’d been too sad to come in because I was 21 and was growing up. I was so upset that I just walked away. Mum always made everything about her.
A month later, I got a call from another aunt, who had taken Mum to the hospital because of chest pains. When I arrived, Mum looked so ill. She’d deteriorated so much, but she wouldn’t let the doctors do any tests. She kept insisting that she was fine. I told her, ‘
She was only 48-years old
That was the last time I saw her alive. My mother passed away three weeks later. It was October 2008 and she was only 48 years old.
I wish I could’ve shown her the death certificate and said, ‘See, this is proof. It’s written down. You had anorexia and it killed you’.
I saw a therapist after Mum died and all this anger came out.
My mother never admitted she had anorexia and it ruined my childhood
I was angry that I didn’t get a proper childhood. I was angry that she never got any help. After I finished therapy, I just felt sad. Sad for her that there’s this whole other life that she missed out on and sad that she can’t be here to see me. Once your mum is gone, it leaves this big empty space that nothing can ever fill.”
Read anorexia killed my mom and ruined my childhood – Part 2 here.